A bit of a mouthful in the title today, this is down to today/last nights happenings.
To get the negative out of the way, I had a phonecall last night from my Mum to tell me that one of my Nan's had been admitted into hospital.
Basically this Nan, who shall be from now on known as welsh Nanny has had various medical problems for some time, a lot of them due to her rather active smoking for the majority of her life (however she now hasn't smoked for several years) alongside being a bloody hard worker without the time to properly take care of herself. Along with the smoking related ailments she has asthma, severe arthritis, Osteoporosis.. the list goes on.
Down to her rather badly needing her cataracts taken care of as she is pretty much blind, she had an argument with a door which knocked her backwards one night last week. Both myself and my Mum suspected she had broken some ribs but she refused to see the doctor. (It is most definitely her that I inherited the stubborn as a mule trait)
She was admitted to hospital yesterday as she had managed to get a really nasty chest infection as she couldn't take her various pumps seeing as she couldn't breathe due to the broken ribs.
She loathes hospitals with a passion, even moreso after spending 9 months visiting the hospital every day to see my uncle who eventually died of liver failure last september.
I feel rather sorry for her being landed up in another hospital again but there is no other options for her at the moment.
Onto the nicer news, work was tolerable, no shouting at me which was greatly appreciated although I am now due to work the next fortnight doing night shifts, doubling my hours from 20pw to 40.
I have just also had my second official driving lesson. I am MAJORLY relieved to say it went a damn sight better than last week. Although this week I refused to use the clutch and the breaks and just drove around a car park steering and using the accelerator - perfectly fine by me.
At least I can actually bloody steer around corners now without panicking.
Also had to drive myself home which was rather daunting, but no accidents, no near misses and no damage to myself, instructor or car.
Lovely.
3 WEEKS TILL HOLIDAY! :]
Wednesday 23 June 2010
Tuesday 22 June 2010
What's going on...
After saying I was going to be better at this and actually blog frequently, everything kind of fell apart.
My current state of mind is definitely not a good one, hasn't been for some time but it has seemed to have sunk lower and lower.
All I can really get the enthusiasm to do once I have escaped from work is just to go home and sleep as it seems to be the best way to be spending my time.
Burying my head in the sand much? Yes. But I can't hate myself while I sleep so its a small bit of relief.
Stress is making me more irritable, and it is now becoming noticeable day to day, so I don't sleep much during the night and don't eat much during the day. I am completely absent minded in work, getting instructions mixed up and missing what people are saying to me. I have a feeling it won't be long before I get a disciplinary seeing as I have been threatened with one by the same member of management at least three times in the last two weeks. Apparently I was paying enough attention to hear that.
That is just a brief sort of glimpse into what is going on, obviously there is a lot more on my mind but I don't think its appropriate for me to go into much more detail here.
But basically I am not a happy bunny.
Attempts to change certain aspects of my life really aren't working, I thought possibly getting out of my current employment and into something else would have helped, but no other company is willing to look my way so it obviously isn't going to happen anytime soon.
I suppose something has got to give, be it me or them.
My current state of mind is definitely not a good one, hasn't been for some time but it has seemed to have sunk lower and lower.
All I can really get the enthusiasm to do once I have escaped from work is just to go home and sleep as it seems to be the best way to be spending my time.
Burying my head in the sand much? Yes. But I can't hate myself while I sleep so its a small bit of relief.
Stress is making me more irritable, and it is now becoming noticeable day to day, so I don't sleep much during the night and don't eat much during the day. I am completely absent minded in work, getting instructions mixed up and missing what people are saying to me. I have a feeling it won't be long before I get a disciplinary seeing as I have been threatened with one by the same member of management at least three times in the last two weeks. Apparently I was paying enough attention to hear that.
That is just a brief sort of glimpse into what is going on, obviously there is a lot more on my mind but I don't think its appropriate for me to go into much more detail here.
But basically I am not a happy bunny.
Attempts to change certain aspects of my life really aren't working, I thought possibly getting out of my current employment and into something else would have helped, but no other company is willing to look my way so it obviously isn't going to happen anytime soon.
I suppose something has got to give, be it me or them.
Wednesday 16 June 2010
.... & I can't drive.
After the excitement of the boyfriend passing his driving test last week, I booked a lesson with his instructor to try and get me up and driving.
Well today was that lesson and all that has really come out of it has been tears and a massive sense of failure which is one that is definitely NOT new to me.
I was so sure it wouldn't be too bad but it really was horrendous.
No control over anything, then getting worked up because I couldn't and getting more stressed and more forgetful. Just really didn't happen.
Didn't expect to be amazing, but I just seriously let myself down and it is a really big blow for me. Obviously just wasn't for me. :(
Well today was that lesson and all that has really come out of it has been tears and a massive sense of failure which is one that is definitely NOT new to me.
I was so sure it wouldn't be too bad but it really was horrendous.
No control over anything, then getting worked up because I couldn't and getting more stressed and more forgetful. Just really didn't happen.
Didn't expect to be amazing, but I just seriously let myself down and it is a really big blow for me. Obviously just wasn't for me. :(
Saturday 12 June 2010
Some good news for a change!
I haven't bothered updating for a while because to be honest, there didn't seem any point.
Work was just its usual self, outside of work was about the same as usual so there wasn't really much point.
It's kind of hard to get the motivation to write anything as well, knowing that really no-one cares, a handful of people read and its that handful that know me extremely well and know pretty much everything that is going on in my miserable little existence anyway.
Had a very big downer day during the week, and that was pretty much the only thing of note.
Apart from yesterday.
The boyfriend had his driving test yesterday morning and passed, which was a lovely way to end the week, finishing my shift in work and having a message waiting for me to tell me the good news.
His insurance was all sorted out quite late last night, so he was able to drive himself into work this morning. I won't lie and say I wasn't worried about him driving by himself, especially as on thursday night I was in the car with him driving around a race track and didn't feel comfortable at all in the car with him.
But that will all have to change, hopefully will get him to take me out this evening when he gets home from work, although he refuses to drive on the motorway yet.
Now to get back to being bored to death until he gets home!
Work was just its usual self, outside of work was about the same as usual so there wasn't really much point.
It's kind of hard to get the motivation to write anything as well, knowing that really no-one cares, a handful of people read and its that handful that know me extremely well and know pretty much everything that is going on in my miserable little existence anyway.
Had a very big downer day during the week, and that was pretty much the only thing of note.
Apart from yesterday.
The boyfriend had his driving test yesterday morning and passed, which was a lovely way to end the week, finishing my shift in work and having a message waiting for me to tell me the good news.
His insurance was all sorted out quite late last night, so he was able to drive himself into work this morning. I won't lie and say I wasn't worried about him driving by himself, especially as on thursday night I was in the car with him driving around a race track and didn't feel comfortable at all in the car with him.
But that will all have to change, hopefully will get him to take me out this evening when he gets home from work, although he refuses to drive on the motorway yet.
Now to get back to being bored to death until he gets home!
