After another very testing day in work (I lost again) I got home and cried.
and cried.
and cried.
I realise that it is about time I accepted that I am not normal and I haven't been for some time.
I seem to be constantly worrying and stressing out about everything, want to sleep as much as possible and given half a chance will spend an entire day in bed napping after an entire nights sleep.
I have no tolerance for people, I seem to get snappy & nasty for no reason.
Headaches most likely from stress
Very forgetful, I actually had to write a list of everything so I didn't forget anything, I will leave work and spend all night panicking because I can't remember if I have locked the shop, activated alarms etc.
Nice little negative thoughts, some days I do feel it would be so much easier if I didn't wake up.
Everything seems like a massive battle and I can't deal with it.
I will scratch at my arms to try and make myself calm down because I am so quick to anger, yet hate conflict so will do anything to try and avoid arguments in work.
Along with all that, I feel everyone is against me, I get nice eye twitching randomly and hate being along, very clingy and very easy to tears.
Basically I am a bit screwed, there will be more random stuff than this, but I won't remember it till later on. Fed up of feeling down and like crap all the time.
I don't know if work seems worse because of all this, or if its work that has exacerbated it, but currently thinking the latter. For the last month or so I have been dying to just walk out of there and not go back, its certain people that make me feel a hundred times worse.
I have never been an overly happy person, but it isn't healthy feeling like this.
I just need some help.
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Flamingo love
I saw this on the Daily Mail website a few days ago, and I felt so sorry for the poor thing!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367595/Its-easy-stand-leg-Clumsy-flamingo-takes-undignified-tumble-wades-pool.html
Not a long article, theres a few pictures.
STAY STRONG MY FLAMINGO FRIEND!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367595/Its-easy-stand-leg-Clumsy-flamingo-takes-undignified-tumble-wades-pool.html
Not a long article, theres a few pictures.
STAY STRONG MY FLAMINGO FRIEND!
Work work work work work & a week off.
Feeling rather refreshed by my week off spent back in Wales.
Was really strange being in the house without my Dad, as he is currently in Australia (and hopefully stealing me a Koala!) but he is having an amazing time out there.
He is currently spending a month going around visiting pretty much everywhere out there but is sadly spending his 50th out there.
I am sure he is loving the idea of a sunny birthday, but I found it a little disappointing that I couldn't be there to harass him for being old and the like.
I still had a lovely time with the boyfriend & visiting my sister & Brother in law, Grandparents, little Welsh Nanny & the hospital known as my Mum's house (they were all suffering from one bug or another while we were down!)
While I was home, my Grandpa's older brother was taken ill, which meant my time with Grandpa was cut a little shorter than expected, but at least I saw him!
My week off also saw me reunited with two of my most favourite people ever, Hayley who I used to work with back in the day & Cassie who I have known since my drunk rampaging days who also does a beautiful job cutting hair.
While off out in Cardiff with Hayley, we managed to visit the cupcake shop which had some crazy bitch smashing the place up and attacking people over a lack of a certain cupcake a few weeks ago and I managed to buy lime green Dr Martens which were accessorized with purple laces! So ridiculous, but me in a nutshell!
A day after buying my DM's, I discovered my big little sister who is in Comprehensive school had made jewellery to sell for red nose day. One of the pieces she hadn't sold was this bright green & purple chunky bracelet which is a perfect match for my boots!
Needless to say, I had to have it. Will take a photo of both bracelet and boots when I can be bothered!
Work has been the usual, ups and downs for me, staff having issues with me and claiming I am bitchy along with everything else.
Pot calling the kettle black a bit, but I suppose that is the downside of working with all girls I suppose!
After leaving work last friday before going off for the week, I left the shop not wanting to ever step foot in there again, but over the week I realised that if anyone has a problem, then they can deal with it, I really do not care anymore.
If a new position comes up anywhere, then I will probably go for it, but for now I need to just keep my head down and ignore everyone to try and get through it.
Not much else has happened in my little world, if it had then I think my head may have exploded.
Was really strange being in the house without my Dad, as he is currently in Australia (and hopefully stealing me a Koala!) but he is having an amazing time out there.
He is currently spending a month going around visiting pretty much everywhere out there but is sadly spending his 50th out there.
I am sure he is loving the idea of a sunny birthday, but I found it a little disappointing that I couldn't be there to harass him for being old and the like.
I still had a lovely time with the boyfriend & visiting my sister & Brother in law, Grandparents, little Welsh Nanny & the hospital known as my Mum's house (they were all suffering from one bug or another while we were down!)
While I was home, my Grandpa's older brother was taken ill, which meant my time with Grandpa was cut a little shorter than expected, but at least I saw him!
My week off also saw me reunited with two of my most favourite people ever, Hayley who I used to work with back in the day & Cassie who I have known since my drunk rampaging days who also does a beautiful job cutting hair.
While off out in Cardiff with Hayley, we managed to visit the cupcake shop which had some crazy bitch smashing the place up and attacking people over a lack of a certain cupcake a few weeks ago and I managed to buy lime green Dr Martens which were accessorized with purple laces! So ridiculous, but me in a nutshell!
A day after buying my DM's, I discovered my big little sister who is in Comprehensive school had made jewellery to sell for red nose day. One of the pieces she hadn't sold was this bright green & purple chunky bracelet which is a perfect match for my boots!
Needless to say, I had to have it. Will take a photo of both bracelet and boots when I can be bothered!
Work has been the usual, ups and downs for me, staff having issues with me and claiming I am bitchy along with everything else.
Pot calling the kettle black a bit, but I suppose that is the downside of working with all girls I suppose!
After leaving work last friday before going off for the week, I left the shop not wanting to ever step foot in there again, but over the week I realised that if anyone has a problem, then they can deal with it, I really do not care anymore.
If a new position comes up anywhere, then I will probably go for it, but for now I need to just keep my head down and ignore everyone to try and get through it.
Not much else has happened in my little world, if it had then I think my head may have exploded.
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Yesterdays drama.
For once I seem to actually have something to complain about.
Yesterday I woke up to a peculiar message on my facebook account effectively claiming my boyfriend of 5 yrs to be chasing after some blokes girlfriend.
First thing in the morning after a terrible nights sleep is NOT the best time to piss me off, especially when I am about to go to work.
As any person with a heartbeat would, I went absolutely mental about the message and confronted a very half asleep Rob, who denied the claim completely.
Work came and went, so I came back home to another message from this psycho trying to convince me that Rob is the biggest sex crazed fiend in the world and that it wasn't just a case of harassing his girlfriend on facebook, he was apparently doing this to several other women.
These other women being solely in his psychotic head.
Anyone who actually knows my boyfriend, knows that he bends over backwards for me, and knows that he is an honest, decent and very loyal guy.
A point to note, is that this bloke hadn't added me or Rob, has never met either of us, and yet felt the need to judge my boyfriend without ever meeting him, and without having a shred of evidence other than his paranoia over Rob commenting on the girlfriends facebook account 3 or 4 times in the last 2 months and the girlfriend even inviting Rob to her birthday event.
Call me crazy, but if you believe someone is harassing you, you don't then go and invite them to a fucking birthday celebration.
Messages went back and forth between myself and this idiot, with me getting more and more pissed off at him trying to go and wreck a relationship for no reason whatsoever.
He also made a huge effort of trying to convince me that his girlfriend was Rob's type as in his words 'she is beautiful and likes listening to metal'.
Obviously despite never meeting Rob, he felt he was in a perfect position to try and convince me what makes the perfect type of women for my boyfriend.
After seeing photos of this girl, beautiful is as far away from the truth as possible.
In fact she reminds me of this:
Actually, scene wolf is too good for that skank.
He also didn't appreciate me telling him that if she was being harassed, then she would be a big girl and go and click that nice little unfriend button, rather than bitch and whine and get her 'big bad boyfriend' to go and harass me instead.
The worst part of all of this, was that he made me doubt my boyfriend first thing yesterday morning. By the afternoon, I realised that he is an overbearing paranoid aggressive bastard who is in dire need of therapy.
Rob sadly has to work with this stupid bitch, which really does annoy me.
I have no idea if she was the one who claimed she was being harassed, or if her boyfriend imagined it, but I want her as far away from him as possible.
All I know, is that her and her boyfriend deserve each other.
Yesterday I woke up to a peculiar message on my facebook account effectively claiming my boyfriend of 5 yrs to be chasing after some blokes girlfriend.
First thing in the morning after a terrible nights sleep is NOT the best time to piss me off, especially when I am about to go to work.
As any person with a heartbeat would, I went absolutely mental about the message and confronted a very half asleep Rob, who denied the claim completely.
Work came and went, so I came back home to another message from this psycho trying to convince me that Rob is the biggest sex crazed fiend in the world and that it wasn't just a case of harassing his girlfriend on facebook, he was apparently doing this to several other women.
These other women being solely in his psychotic head.
Anyone who actually knows my boyfriend, knows that he bends over backwards for me, and knows that he is an honest, decent and very loyal guy.
A point to note, is that this bloke hadn't added me or Rob, has never met either of us, and yet felt the need to judge my boyfriend without ever meeting him, and without having a shred of evidence other than his paranoia over Rob commenting on the girlfriends facebook account 3 or 4 times in the last 2 months and the girlfriend even inviting Rob to her birthday event.
Call me crazy, but if you believe someone is harassing you, you don't then go and invite them to a fucking birthday celebration.
Messages went back and forth between myself and this idiot, with me getting more and more pissed off at him trying to go and wreck a relationship for no reason whatsoever.
He also made a huge effort of trying to convince me that his girlfriend was Rob's type as in his words 'she is beautiful and likes listening to metal'.
Obviously despite never meeting Rob, he felt he was in a perfect position to try and convince me what makes the perfect type of women for my boyfriend.
After seeing photos of this girl, beautiful is as far away from the truth as possible.
In fact she reminds me of this:
Actually, scene wolf is too good for that skank.He also didn't appreciate me telling him that if she was being harassed, then she would be a big girl and go and click that nice little unfriend button, rather than bitch and whine and get her 'big bad boyfriend' to go and harass me instead.
The worst part of all of this, was that he made me doubt my boyfriend first thing yesterday morning. By the afternoon, I realised that he is an overbearing paranoid aggressive bastard who is in dire need of therapy.
Rob sadly has to work with this stupid bitch, which really does annoy me.
I have no idea if she was the one who claimed she was being harassed, or if her boyfriend imagined it, but I want her as far away from him as possible.
All I know, is that her and her boyfriend deserve each other.
Saturday, 5 February 2011
Cannot be bothered.
I have gotten to a stage where I really cannot be bothered with anything anymore.
Maintaining an online life seems too much effort these days, yet I feel the same about an offline life.
I still spend hours sitting idly on facebook as I have nothing better to do with my life and that is just so damn depressing, knowing there s nothing I feel worth wasting my time on instead.
Work has settled down I suppose, my store now has the original manager back running the place and it is completely different to what I have previously experienced there.
Last week I managed to get a pair of beaaaautiful shiny black patent Dr Martens in Cardiff (they actually have an official store there now) and have been alerted that there will be bright green ones being sold again in the summer. That made me rather happy.
I have spent this week with my family which was lovely. I haven't had a week off work since the beginning of September for my birthday, so it was well overdue.
The problem with going home is that I always hate leaving, it never does get any easier to leave my family behind while knowing that it is where I belong.
Hopefully one day soon I will be able to get out of this hell hole and back to Wales.
Maintaining an online life seems too much effort these days, yet I feel the same about an offline life.
I still spend hours sitting idly on facebook as I have nothing better to do with my life and that is just so damn depressing, knowing there s nothing I feel worth wasting my time on instead.
Work has settled down I suppose, my store now has the original manager back running the place and it is completely different to what I have previously experienced there.
Last week I managed to get a pair of beaaaautiful shiny black patent Dr Martens in Cardiff (they actually have an official store there now) and have been alerted that there will be bright green ones being sold again in the summer. That made me rather happy.
I have spent this week with my family which was lovely. I haven't had a week off work since the beginning of September for my birthday, so it was well overdue.
The problem with going home is that I always hate leaving, it never does get any easier to leave my family behind while knowing that it is where I belong.
Hopefully one day soon I will be able to get out of this hell hole and back to Wales.
Friday, 14 January 2011
Argh.
I am still very much fed up of this year.
All the stress, headaches and generic hopelessness wasn't enough apparently, so a kidney infection and mass conflict gets thrown in as well.
In a rather awkward situation work wise at the moment as there have been arguments with someone I work with.
Someone who should be treating me as an equal, instead treats me like a 2 year old, always has something to criticise me about and generally making me feel like crap.
It is just getting worse as it goes on and there is NOTHING that can be done about it.
Wish I hadn't bothered transferring over here, it is just making me ill and doesn't seem to be worth it.
I was a fraction away from walking out of there for good yesterday morning as I just cannot take it anymore.
All the stress, headaches and generic hopelessness wasn't enough apparently, so a kidney infection and mass conflict gets thrown in as well.
In a rather awkward situation work wise at the moment as there have been arguments with someone I work with.
Someone who should be treating me as an equal, instead treats me like a 2 year old, always has something to criticise me about and generally making me feel like crap.
It is just getting worse as it goes on and there is NOTHING that can be done about it.
Wish I hadn't bothered transferring over here, it is just making me ill and doesn't seem to be worth it.
I was a fraction away from walking out of there for good yesterday morning as I just cannot take it anymore.
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Sigh.
Well so far this year has not been the way I had hoped.
Have majorly screwed up one aspect of my life by not knowing when to keep my mouth shut, which will now make life very awkward/painful.
I really need to learn to think before I open my mouth, fricking idiot.
Through all my crappy eating I have managed to put on a fair bit of weight, jeans now digging in and cutting off circulation, dare I bend over at all in these.....
& I seem to have been in a rather bad mood due to the above, not that I am a normally nice person, but I am incredibly snappy now and stressed.
Woo.
Oh and to annoy me further, my outfit choice for today has been scuppered as my pretty new tights had a hole in the toe fresh out of the packaging, and the pattern stops just above my knee.
Not useful when I had planned to wear black high waisted shorts with them.
ARGHHHHHHHH.
2012 anyone?
Have majorly screwed up one aspect of my life by not knowing when to keep my mouth shut, which will now make life very awkward/painful.
I really need to learn to think before I open my mouth, fricking idiot.
Through all my crappy eating I have managed to put on a fair bit of weight, jeans now digging in and cutting off circulation, dare I bend over at all in these.....
& I seem to have been in a rather bad mood due to the above, not that I am a normally nice person, but I am incredibly snappy now and stressed.
Woo.
Oh and to annoy me further, my outfit choice for today has been scuppered as my pretty new tights had a hole in the toe fresh out of the packaging, and the pattern stops just above my knee.
Not useful when I had planned to wear black high waisted shorts with them.
ARGHHHHHHHH.
2012 anyone?
